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A Rollercoaster of Emotions: Pregnancy After Loss

As soon as you see those two little lines and know that you're pregnant again, everything changes. You can't help but think of the future, automatically working out roughly when the baby will be due, thinking of how to announce it, how your family are going to react, how old they'll be at Christmas and so much more.

But then that guilt hits, you know that this should be a joyous time, filled with excitement and anticipation. But after a previous loss, it's not quite that simple. It's completely natural to feel a complex mix of emotions that go far beyond simple happiness.

You might be wondering:

  • Is it okay to feel anxious, scared, nervous, worried?

  • Can I allow myself to hope, or will I just be setting myself up for more heartbreak?

  • How can I respect my lost child, while embracing this new pregnancy?

If you're experiencing this whirlwind of feelings, know that you're not alone. Pregnancy after loss is a highly emotional experience, and there's no right or wrong way to feel.

Pregnant Danielle cuddling tummy.

A Tangle of Emotions

Here are some common emotions you might encounter:

  • Anxiety and fear: You might be constantly on edge, worried about something going wrong again.

  • Guilt: You might feel guilty about allowing yourself to hope after your loss.

  • Sadness: Grief for your lost child can resurface, especially at milestones or during doctor visits.

  • Excitement (mixed with apprehension): You might be excited about the possibility of a new baby, but hesitant to get too attached.

Coping with the Mix

It's important to acknowledge and validate all your feelings. Here are some tips for coping:

  • Talk about it: Don't bottle up your emotions. Talk to your partner, a trusted friend, or a therapist specialising in pregnancy after loss.

  • Join a support group: Connecting with others who understand your experience can be incredibly helpful.

  • Be kind to yourself: This is a challenging time. Prioritise self-care activities like exercise, relaxation techniques, and spending time in nature.

  • Celebrate milestones: Allow yourself to feel moments of joy. Each doctor's appointment, each kick, is a victory.

  • Set boundaries: It's okay to limit conversations about the pregnancy or decline well-meaning but insensitive comments.

Pregnant Danielle IN a purple dress.

Remember Your Lost Child

While embracing this new pregnancy, there's no need to forget your lost child. Here are some ways to honour their memory:

  • Plant a tree or create a memory box.

  • Include your lost child in your pregnancy announcements - see the photo below for our pregnancy announcement, which we posted during Baby Loss Awareness Week, on the Wave of Light day and time, including the 5 candles for our 5 losses.

  • Light a candle or say a prayer at significant milestones.

Pregnancy announcement after a loss

Finding Hope

Pregnancy after loss can be emotionally demanding, but it can also be a journey of hope and resilience. By acknowledging your feelings, seeking support, and remembering your lost child, you can navigate this experience and find joy in the possibility of new life.

Additional Resources:

Bump photos from the very talented Debra Bee Photography:

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